DAVID LALLY: Welcome to “The Brian Buffini Show” where we explore the mindsets, motivation and methodologies of success. Here’s your host, Brian Buffini.
BRIAN BUFFINI: Well, the top of the morning to you and welcome to “The Brian Buffini Show.” I have a very unique message for you today.
There are things that I want to speak on that are somewhat near and dear to the heart. I want to just give you food for thought today that can also be something that is of value to you.
Today’s title is “Re-united We Stand.” This topic has really been on my heart, it’s on my mind, and I just want to share some observations of where we are in our cultural dialogue today and some proactive steps I believe we can take to have more unity to say not only that I love my neighbor, but I love all my neighbors.
The reason we’re talking about re-united we stand, is that we are currently not united. There’s division everywhere. I think that’s pretty obvious. We have big-time political divisions. We have ideological divisions. We have racial divisions. We have separation between people.
I think it’s been one of the most unusual times in history. In the past, when people were in times of strife and struggle, they typically bonded together and there was unity in all of our communities. Today we have to socially distance. We are in our homes, and we are divided from our communities. It’s been one of the strangest times I’ve certainly experienced in my life. And I know that’s the case for many. I’ve always said that people don’t do their best on their own. Human beings do better when connected to other human beings. You know the cruelest punishment outside of the death penalty that you can face in incarceration in America is solitary confinement. The harshest punishment they can come up with is to actually have person be totally by themselves, to be totally isolated.
Right now, being a good citizen means you stay isolated, you stay at home, you practice social distancing. All of these things in our current environment have led to even more division. Division goes back to the old Greek term di and vision, di which means two and vision which is the faculty or state of being able to see.
We have two visions, and in this case, we have many, many visions of who we should be, what we should be and how we should be. The difference being is that in our world today, we have a scenario where creative thought, or discussion and debate are often not encouraged. True and meaningful conversation – where respect is afforded to all – is actually critical to overcoming the division we’re experiencing. Right now, there’s a tendency to think ‘the other side’ lives in some sort of alternate universe, far removed from us. We believe we have absolutely nothing in common with ‘them’ and we certainly don’t want to engage, communicate or even give their opinions any kind of oxygen. They are a threat. And so, the hostility grows day by day, and it’s actively stoked in our culture.
For example, many of our news channels are all about sensationalism. Often, the more over the top and the headline, the more outrageous the statement, the more viewers they get, the more tweetable their comments become, the more social media hits they enjoy. It seems like 24 hours a day there’s a feeding frenzy on TV and online with people making the most deliberately divisive and outrageous comments, often just to inflame reaction.
It’s all about these sensationalist headlines to catch people’s attention. The term for it is clickbait. Often, there’s just no context. There’s no interest in trying to understand or relate to another person.
Online can be particularly negative.
For example, on Twitter you’re limited to 140 characters. Twitter can be a powerful platform, but there’s very few complex issues can ever be addressed in 140 characters. In fact, there’s very few simple issues could even be addressed in 140 characters.
It can quickly spiral into a dark place – a place of hatred and hostility.
In many cases, a person’s heart is judged – whether it’s about matters of race, positions on life, or any subject at all. Names and labels get attributed to people. This happens to people on every side of all discussions.
We tend to judge ourselves by our intentions and we judge others by their actions. Today, it’s gone further: we judge others by the inference of their actions. Now the inference of what you do or what you don’t do can be judged. What you don’t post can now be judged as defining who you are.
Look, united we stand. Divided we fall. A house divided cannot stand. That’s what the good book has said for 1,000 years. And when I think of America I always think of the American Eagle. Now imagine that Eagle only had one wing. It would fly around in circles and it would certainly not be able to soar. It would be a protracted spiral as that eagle plummets to the ground.
Today, in our divided culture, people want to have their opinions and their philosophies and ideas implemented exclusively. That’s like a one-winged eagle. That’s the pride and prejudice of it’s “my way or the highway” thinking. Folks we’ve seen this throughout history. We don’t have to pretend, we don’t have to just imagine what could happen.
In Russia for example, when the communist party eliminated any form of dissent, diversity of thought, diversity of religion, freedom of expression, that ultimately led to killing 40 million of its own people. Within 80 years that society collapsed in on itself.
I think we all know the ultimate cautionary tale. When the Nazis took over Germany. They burned books, eliminated free speech, the famous propaganda machine established by Goebbels which stated that “lies repeated often enough will become truth.” And we all know what happened with Nazi Germany.
And then on the opposite side of the political spectrum in South Africa, we have the Afrikaners that brought the era of apartheid. And we all know what happened there and how cruel and oppressive an environment that was. These are just 3 examples of a one-winged approach. I could give you dozen and dozen and dozens of these.
And when you think of that eagle, which way is he flying? He’s just flying in circles. Is he flying towards the sun to renew his strength like an eagle? I don’t think so. He’s flying down to plummet to the ground.
You know Burger King used to say, “You can have it your way, baby.” Well let me say this to you, if all of us just get it our way, we are an eagle plummeting to the ground. Believe it or not we need both wings. We need to flap. We need to fly. We need the discourse and the difficulty and the differences. That’s where the magic is. You have to celebrate those things.
And we’re going to get into some good stuff today. And one of the aspects of this eagle flying to the ground, and again I’m going to talk about something that is a hot topic, this Cancel Culture.
I just want to define it for you, you know. Cancel culture, according to Webster, refers to the practice of withdrawing support from, or canceling, public figures, companies or people that have said or done something considered offensive. Cancel culture is generally discussed as being performed on social media in the form of group shaming. The concept is that if you do something that’s considered wrong, you suffer a public shaming and backlash.
Some believe that cancel culture is a tool of social justice to hold people in power accountable; others believe it’s nothing more than a mob mentality.
I believe that becoming even more entrenched and separated from your neighbors, instead of trying to engage with and understand them, is not going to heal what divides us. Instead of a cancel culture, we need a kindness culture. Instead of engaging in conflict, we have to engage in discourse. The great Winston Churchill said, “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”
I have personal experience of this. I grew up in a country where there were two factions of Christianity who fought, bombed and murdered each other for generations. I saw the hate build and the division take root in my own homeland.
These people all lived on the same island, smaller than a lot of counties in America. Ireland is 300 miles long and 150 miles wide. My sister lives in the north, my family grew up in the south. All they could see was what divided them and so the hate grew. The only way healing could start was when, through mediation, the two sides were able to sit down and really begin listening to each other. The fear, distrust and hatred started to abate, and the peace process began in earnest. It hasn’t been perfect in Ireland – the wounds are deep – but the commitment to continue the work is steadfast.
Division lives in the heart of mankind. That’s why to give in to division, to give in to separation, is to give in to the worst of our own natures. I don’t want to live with regret of being someone who didn’t speak up for the goodness of what’s here in America, and what America means to me and what I’ve experienced and seen in America.
As Thomas Jefferson said, “All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent.” The thing about this country that makes it great is its commitment to freedom. Freedom of expression, freedom of religion. Freedom. I’ll talk to that here in a second, we have to stand up and say something because our very freedoms are actually at stake, as Americans, as people, as lovers of freedom. The truth of the matter is, all tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent.
Now look, I’m a real estate trainer who developed a methodology not only for real estate but for personal growth and development, and I’m going to continue to bring those messages. You know I have a love of people and I love to bring hope and encouragement to people and help people with personal growth and development to be the best they can be. That’s who I am and in the context of where this going that’s where I want to take it.
So like I always have, I have three major points for you today. Just like I always do. I know many of you are just trying to get away all the nonsense and maybe you’re listening to this show and you go, “Oh my gosh, Buffini’s doing the same thing everybody else is.” But it’s not. I have some mindsets, motivation and methodologies of how to be successful in uniting. Maybe in uniting yourself, your family, your loved ones, your community, and building connection together.
So here’s our three points. How do we reunite, and how do we stand together? Number one is going to be Respect, Number two is Grace, and then Number 3 is to not conform. We’re going to talk about Respect, we’re going to talk about Grace, and to not conform.
So let’s talk about it. Respect, again, according to Mr. Webster, is the due regard for the feelings, wishes or traditions of others.
We need to have due regard for the feelings, wishes or traditions of others. Here’s what respect looks like to me: Respect different points of view, Respect different perspectives and experiences, Respect diversity of thought. Respect is the key.
You know we had Miles McPherson on our show and he shared the philosophy of his book called “The Third Option: Hope for a Racially Divided Nation.” Ultimately, he believes we have to lose the “us” versus “them” mentality and ultimately embrace the concept of mutual respect. And look folks, this is how all relationships are built on mutual respect. Nothing great has ever happened from hate.
Think about the leaders of all the great movements. Martin Luther King, Jr., he was committed to nonviolence. He stressed the need to judge the person by the content of a their character. Even though he died for his beliefs, his legacy and impact made massive change. Gandhi, a tiny little man, used nonviolence and persuasion to overthrow the might of the British empire in his home country of India.
On a less grand scale, when I think of respect, I think of the quote from “Dead Poets Society” when the great Robin Williams shocked his class by standing up on a desk as he taught and said, “I stand upon my desk to remind myself what we must constantly look at, that we must look at things in a different way.”
The great Dale Carnegie who wrote “How to Win Friends and Influence People” he said, “Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.” This is the man who helped people to make friends and influence people. Isn’t that what we need today?
And again, this is not just one big kumbaya. These are hard things. These are difficult things. I have values and principles that I adhere to. I have a faith that’s very important to meet. I have an economic philosophy and a pro-market and pro-growth philosophy. And what I’m challenging myself as I’m challenging you is to sit down with people of very contrasting, very different opinions, and see if we can’t flap our wings together. And yeah there might be a few feathers that get lost but we’ll end up learning how to fly together.
Henry Ford said, “If there’s any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that angle as well as from your own.”
As author Harper Lee said, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from their point of view.” What that is is actually describing empathy. We have to have empathy. And if you have empathy you can have compassion and if you can have compassion you can have respect. And that’s what we’re talking about.
Having a healthy discussion makes us better, makes us bigger. But it seems that today, people have descended to reiterating the talking points that are rotisserized over and over again by news channels that only spout the point of view they already align with their views. Studies have actually shown that people choose news that fits their views. Instead of exploring a wider range of perspectives, they consume and flock to what they already agree with. We have to respect different perspectives and experiences.
When you celebrate the differences in people it’s what makes life more expansive and more enjoyable. A great example of this is very close to home for me. My wife is a beautiful African American lady that I’ve been married to for 30 years. She’s from Sumter, South Carolina and I’m a white boy from the Southside of Dublin. You couldn’t find more different backgrounds. I was raised by a self-employed house painter. She was raised in a military family and lived on Air Force bases during her childhood. I’m Irish, she’s American, she’s Black, I’m White, she’s from the South, I’m for the Southside of Dublin, couldn’t be more different. Folks, I got to tell you, that’s where the magic is.
The magic is in the differences. The magic comes from respect. You got to respect different points of view. You have to respect different perspectives and experiences. It’s powerful. Oprah said, “The smallest change in perspective can change a life.”
Marcus Aurelius, the most famous of all the Caesars said, “Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.” Henry David Thoreau said, “It’s not what you look at that matters. It’s what you see.”` Folks, people have been talking about this for thousands of years.
Lastly, we have to respect diversity of thought. You know, when people hear the word diversity today, they only think in terms of racial diversity and whether people are on the left of this or the right of this or whatever version of sides they’re on of this.
Now folks, I know a little bit about this, I have six mix-raced kids and so on and so forth. But isn’t there another thing called diversity of thought?
The last part of respect is ultimately to respect diversity of thought. Maya Angelou said, “In diversity, there is beauty and there is strength.” Just like the strength of an eagle. Why? Because there’s diversity. There’s a left wing, there’s a right wing, there’s a a chest, there’s a heart that beats together.
Aristotle said, “The whole is greater than the sum of the parts.” We can do more together than separately. From right here in San Diego, Ken Blanchard said, “One of us is as smart as all of us.” Malcolm Forbes says, “Diversity is the art of thinking independently together.” “Diversity is the art of thinking independently together.”
We are people. We are human beings. We have a soul. We have to respect. There has to be respect. Now, if you’re going to lead and be a leader, is to make sure that tyranny doesn’t take a foothold the way Thomas Jefferson talked about it. You don’t want tyranny to gain a foothold. You’re a person of good conscience. It’s not about who can shout the loudest It’s about respecting and you’ve got to give respect first before you receive it. That’s the hard one. You’ve got to give respect first before you receive it.
That’s what we have to do. So we have respect different points of view, respect different perspectives and experiences, and give respect before you receive it.
The second major point creates the opportunity for all of us to unite. And it’s the topic of Grace. One of the things that’s happening is we’re becoming a less gracious society. Obviously I’ve talked about we’re less respectful but we’re also less gracious. And as we become less gracious, let me share with you, we enter into some really tricky territory.
Let me go first. The guy you tune into here on a regular basis, the guy that many of you take advice from whether it be financial or real estate advice, or you’ve listened to personal growth and development content is a flawed man. Now my wife just said listening, “Amen.”
I am a flawed character with all kinds of foibles, all kinds of stuff I’m working on all the time, and will be until they put me in the pine box. Now of all the challenges I faced comes a sense of empathy for others. And out of empathy comes that compassion, out of that compassion comes respect and out of that respect comes grace.
Right now, we are becoming a less gracious society. The definition of being gracious is to be marked by kindness and courtesy. Kindness and courtesy. Is there much kindness and courtesy in our world today? Well again, I’m going to challenge you, I’m going to challenge myself. We get to go first.
So here’s a few things I want to share with you on grace. First, we’ve got to look at the face in the mirror, second thing is he without sin cast the first stone, and third, grace is unmerited favor. And that’s what we want to talk about.
So let’ talk about looking at the face in the mirror. It’s very easy to point a finger at other people and judge them for their words and actions, but to have more grace, we must look to ourselves first and examine our own behaviors. As the Scottish theologian William Barclay said, “If we find ourselves becoming critical of other people, we should stop examining them and start examining ourselves.”
A couple of thousand years ago, Christ, had an opportunity to ask people to take a look in the mirror.
He said, how can you say to your brother, “Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye. When you fail to see the log in your own eye.” When you do that you’re a hypocrite. Christ said take the log out of your own eye. Then you’ll clearly see to remove the speck from your brother’s eyes.
Here’s the deal. Christ was letting us know we all have flaws. If we’re going to unite and reunite we have to recognize that none of us are perfect. All of us say and do things that we regret.
If we’re going to have any chance to respect and have grace for one another, we have to first understand that we’re all coming to the table as imperfect people. My dad used to have this funny little phrase, he’d say, “Don’t tell me your problems, I have painters of me own.” You know what he meant by that.
In life, it’s true. We’ve got to look to ourselves first. We have to look at the person in the mirror.
Alright, here’s the next piece. Let he without sin cast the first stone. You know, in the absence of grace, what we have is hyper judgment. Brutal, just the words coming out of my own mouth hyper judgment. And today, we live in an environment of hyper judgment and this cancel culture.
Social media has allowed people to make nasty comments anonymously and now that negativity is leaking out into our everyday culture. So what’s happened is the rhetoric on social media would get more and more nasty and more and more lowest common denominator, if you will.
If you’ve ever seen threads, oh my gosh, where people can go and what it can be. It just becomes this lowest common denominator in our society and the lowest common denominator in each one of our individual characters to just sound off. You know, if somebody is nasty to you, the easiest thing is to be nasty to them.
You ever cut someone of accidently on the freeway and they get mad and flip you the bird and next thing you get mad at them? Well, now we’ve got this culturally going on. Not just once every six months that might happen on a freeway, that can happen six times a day.
It is not respectful. It’s not gracious and that’s where we have to make the changes. It doesn’t build up and it’s been going on for a long time.
I’ll tell you another little Jesus story. It talks about he’s hanging out with the lads and they’re sitting down or having a meeting of some sort, and the teachers of the law, the Pharisees, now these guys at that time were the cancel culture of their day, and the teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery.
They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the law of Moses, he commanded us to stone such a woman, what do you say?” So what were they doing? They trying to use this question as a trap in order to have a basis for accusing him. We’re accusing her to accuse you. We want to cancel her, but we really want to cancel her to cancel you. That’s what this is all about. Sound familiar? Sound like our world today?
I love this passage. It said, Jesus kneeled down and he bent over and he wrote something with his finger in the ground. Some scholars say he was writing out the 10 commandments.
So he stooped down, wrote on the ground then stood up and said, “Okay, let any one of you without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again, he stooped down and continued writing on the ground. Now at this, those who heard him began to go away one at a time.
I love this part in this passage, it says, The older ones first. Why was that? Because they had a big old list of past mistakes. They had a big old list of sins and things they’d done wrong in their live. And that’s because they’d lived a long life and they made a lot of mistakes and they knew in their heart that they couldn’t throw a stone.
So the old birds went first. So after the old ones, then the young ones left, until only Jesus was left talking with the woman. She’s still standing there. He stood up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you, go and live your life and sin no more.”
Oh man, I’ll be honest with you, and again, if you’ve been listening to me, I’ve done hundreds of episodes on this podcast. I’m certainly never trying to proselytize or become a preacher. I know who I am, I know what I am.
But that’s just the greatest stuff I’ve ever heard. This stuff’s been around a long time. You know why? Human nature hasn’t changed very much in the last couple thousands of years. The bottom line is we must be respectful and we have to be gracious. We’ve got to look at the person in the mirror first. And we’ve got to remember, that he without sin cast the first stone.
The last piece of grace is this unmerited favor. To give grace to people means to give them kindness, love and mercy. You know, justice is when you get what you deserve. Mercy is when you don’t get what you deserve. We can show grace with your words. We can respond to criticism with grace. We don’t have to win every argument. We can also forgive with grace.
Grace is an unmerited favor and we all need to receive it in our own lives and we all need to give it. You know one man who fought for freedom was Abraham Lincoln. After going through a brutal war, when 650,000 American lives were lost, he made a gracious speech to encourage people to unite and extend grace to one another. Yeah, much more difficult times than today. And m uch more even divided times than today. Here’ what Lincoln said, “Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.”
Being gracious to others doesn’t just change you, it can change the world. Grace is transformative. As writer Anne Lamott said, “I do not understand the mystery of grace, only that it meets us where we are, but does that not leave us where it found us.” Powerful stuff!
We’ve got to look at the face in the mirror, remember he without sin cast the first stone, and Grace is an unmerited favor and we’ve got to give it first before we receive it.
The third major point is to not conform. So I’m going to look at this. I’m going to talk about what conformity is, I’m going to share with you the challenge not to conform, and then encourage you to be brave.
Conformity by its definition is a type of social influence involving a change in belief or behavior in order to fit in with a group. This changes in response to the pressure of social expectations or group pressure. Boy does that explain our world today.
It’s just very easy to follow the crowd, but, as Mark Twain said, “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”
Eleanor Roosevelt a wise woman said, “Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.”
John F. Kennedy said, “Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth.” Emerson, “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” Oscar Wilde, that famous Irishman said, “Conformity is the last refuge of the unimaginative.” That’s what conformity is all about. It’s very important us not to just conform.
So do not conform. That’s the command. By the way, “do not conform” is one of the few commands in the New Testament. The apostle Paul writes, “Do not conform to this world, but be transformed,” this is why I bringing this up, it’s a how-to. “Be transformed” not conformed, “Be transformed” and then he tells you the how-to. “By the renewing of your mind. Do not conform to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
You know when you hit refresh on the screen, this is like hitting refresh on your brain. Not conforming, but actually renewing your mind. Knowing that there’s more to learn. There’s more to grow, more exposure to get, more people to talk to, more diversity of opinion and thought and perspective and experience. The key is to be a student and then become a thinker, not just a talker. Become a listener. If you want to be heard, you must first listen!
I’m here today as a person who loves the country I live in, who found freedom here. Who found the freedom to be himself. The freedom to marry the woman I loved. When I got married, 30 years ago, interracial relationship were 2% of marriages in America. And of those 2% of that 2% was when the man was white.
I fell madly in love with a woman. I fell in love with her spirit. I fell in love with who she was as a person, and she was gorgeous. That’s who I fell in love with. And I had the freedom to marry who I loved.
I had the freedom to worship the God that I choose to worship. The freedom to do the work that I felt called to. The freedom to serve in the way I felt called to. I discovered the freedom to grow and I discovered this whole realm of personal growth and development that was 100 years old in America but very new in the rest of the world. I found the freedom to become successful. The freedom to build a business to help other people become successful.
I mean, our mission at Buffini & Company is to impact and improve the lives of people. Where in the world would you get a chance to build a company that does something like that? That’s our mission. That’s what we made our business out of. It’s unbelievable.
That’s the freedoms that I’ve had a chance to enjoy in this great country. The freedom for my children and for my grandchildren. And I’m very thankful. I still believe America’s best days are yet to come. I still believe right now, like an eagle, we’re just shaking loose a bunch of feathers. And there’s a lot of flapping of the wings that are going on, but I truly believe, sometimes a lie will get halfway around the world before the truth gets its sandals on.
I do believe our best days are yet to come. There are some feathers that are flying, there are some feathers that need to go. There’s some renewing in my mind that needs to take place, there’s some renewing in our culture that needs to take place. But ultimately we have this great great opportunity. I’ve had a chance to be able to take care of my family back in Ireland, my bride’s family back in Georgia.
So what I’m talking about is respect, and grace and not conforming are ultimately the foundations for what all the freedoms to rest on. Freedom to be ourselves, the freedom of our society, the freedom to love and be loved. That’s what we all need.
The last piece here is to be brave. It’s time to be brave, speak wisdom, seek first to understand then be understood, Mr. Covey said. We have to be respectful, we have to be gracious, we have to renew our minds. But most of all we’ve got to be resolute in our love with God, country and our fellow man. And I know we can do this, and I know we will do this.
Now, I mentioned to you that I’m not speaking on these topics every single week. This is a place that many of you come to get away from the negativity in our culture and me too. But I wanted to speak to you today on this topic and I wanted to share this as also a launching pad for something pretty wonderful.
A number of years ago, I recorded a CD series. Do you remember those? With a man by the name of Joe Ehrmann. Now Joe Ehrmann is a former all pro football player, he was a defensive lineman. And I saw a program on HBO that featured him and the kids he was coaching in high school.
And these kids were on this HBO Real Sports it’s called. They’d won five state championships and they had all this success. But what was unusual about this was the way they went about their business. And so HBO was there and they sent the team to this school, and again we know football, especially football 15-20 years ago. It was a macho culture, it was water weakens legs, and suck it up Johnny, and all that stuff.
Joe Ehrmann was there and he had not this transactional approach to coaching where they’re beating up the kids and creating this environment. He was a transformational coach that actually spent his time building up these young men and then out of building up these young men they got to play football together.
And so it caught it my eye. I was kind of going through the channels. Kind of an interesting little story. And then all of a sudden Joe Ehrmann is standing in front of his team and he shouts outs to the team, “What’s our job as coaches?” and the kids all shout back in unison, “To love us.” And he goes, “What’s your job as players?” and the kids shout back in unison, “To love each other.”
Well, I was struck by this. They had this philosophy. He’s trying to build up these young men. Here’s a core, this love us, love each other. I was on a plane a week later. And I flew out to meet Joe Ehrmann and built a friendship and relationship that’s lasted a long time. And there really was something really special there. I got to see why they got to be successful. They won the championships. They had all the accolades but they did it the right way.
Over the years, Joe and I became great friends. I had a chance to help him get his speaking and training career going. And just helped him out along the way. And we actually did this CD series and it was called “How to Love and Be Loved.” And we’ve never actually ever released this series. I made it available at one event one time and for whatever reason it got put on the shelf.
And I started to this recently and I thought, oh my gosh, would this be so great for a time like this. And so what we’re going to do, is release these episodes one week at time every Thursday and we’re going to have for six week kind of a bonus episode on The Brian Buffini Show.
And were going to release the “How to Love and Be Loved” series, which is the perfect application for the kind of content I’m talking about here today. Now it’s not a societal thing as much as it is how to love and be loved, it starts internally. It starts with our relationships, it starts in the most personal place possible, but ultimately when you love and be loved, you become more loving. And isn’t that what we all need in our culture today? And so it really is.
The first episode is how to understand yourself. Pretty important that you understand yourself before you’re trying to understand anyone else.
The second was to cover the three wounds of love. Very powerful. The third is developing empathy for self and others, remember I talked about it today. Empathy leads to compassion, compassion leads to respect, respect leads to grace.
Number four is the process of healing and the purpose of healing. Number five is how do we experience full relationships and number six, how to find your transcendent cause. It’s marvelous stuff. I think you’re going to love it. And that’s why to me, it’s the perfect time for this little hidden CD series to make a reappearance on The Brian Buffini Show so we’re going to make it available to you every Thursday.
I hope for the next six weeks you can tune in to Joe Ehrmann on our podcast and listen to “How to Love and Be Loved.” It can heal your own heart. You’ll actually hear a story come up in the middle of it that I wasn’t even aware of that I hadn’t even thought about it in maybe 30 years. I actually received a little healing in an area of my life during the interview process with Joe Ehrmann. So I know how valuable it is.
And I think it can help us in this area we’ve been talking about today. I think when we learn How to Love and Be Loved we can be more respectful we can be more gracious and we won’t conform.
Well, hopefully you got something out of this program today. Hopefully, you got something that you needed or maybe just something to help you think a little differently or take the edge off or be a little more respectful or gracious or a little bit more yourself.
Hopefully, this episode will challenge your thinking. Either way, this is the message I felt compelled to bring you today. I hope it’s a blessing to you. My mother used to say, “Brian, you know what we’re facing right now is a nine-day wonder and this too shall pass.” And I hope that’s the case for where we are in our culture today.
As I finish up here today, I want to share with you one of the things that really inspired me to tip me over to talk about these thoughts that I’ve had for sometime. My assistant Jeannette is just a really cool person. Very very hard working assistant and she’s been applying some of the content we’ve been teaching in our five circle fit program we’ve been running for so many people out there in the marketplace, and it gives you different things to do each week and one of the activities was to researcher your own family’s history.
So she was researching her own family’s history and you know you went into EllisIsland.com and sure enough she found that her family’s name was changed and is very hard to find out that now, but you she curious and because she’s all about other people, she put my name in there and sure enough she found this, she found an image of my grandfather when he came to America originally and on this Ellisisland.com it showed this ship called the Celtic that he came over.
Built in 1902, it’s was the biggest ship in the world at the time, built in Harland and Wolf in Northern Ireland and he left for Liverpool. and on to say here he was 24 years of age and he was 2 1/2 months at sea and he arrived in New York, they changed his nationality from Irish to Italian, must’ve been good for the politics at the time I’m sure.
And it just gave me chills to see the man that came here now. Again, my grandfather was here, my grandmother Mary she came over a year later. They got married, they had four kids in America and then they went back to Ireland, but because he came to America I had a chance to get a green card.
Because he came to America it gave me a chance to come here and build a new life for myself. And it just really got me thinking about what this country means to me, it’s a long history of excepting people like Harry Buffini, who was a house painter that came to America knowing basically nobody. Got a chance to build a life for himself and build a family in and start over. It gives me chills when I think about it. I have this picture in my office now, I have this ship the Celtic and I have an image of my grandfather and what his journey was like.
And I just started thinking about it and I’ve been thinking to myself, you know I came to America 1986 and I got run over by a car and had this motorcycle accident and I looked back at my journey and I look back at the people in and I got into real estate. And even though I was a young guy people gave me a chance, people trusted me the sell their home. People referred me to their friends and family. Unbelievable, they allow me to build a business, allow me to meet the woman of my dreams, allow me to have six fabulous kids, allowed me to build a business that eventually people wanted to know how did I become successful and allowed me to then travel all over the country and then eventually all over the world and built this company that’s helped millions of people now all over the world.
And I just think about that. I think about that American Eagle. I think about the eagle that my grandfather came to in 1926, and I think about myself and I think about the great opportunity. I’m very very thankful for this place. I’m very very thankful to its people and I’m very thankful for the opportunities I got here. People gave me respect, the people were gracious with me even when they didn’t understand what I was saying. And they didn’t ask me to conform and become some version of themselves, they liked the fact that I was different and talk different and acted different. And I got a chance to build a great life for myself, that’s ultimately why I wanted to deliver this message today. So hopefully it’s been a blessing to you.
Now someone who’s been an example of respect and grace and not conforming has been my mother, and I bring her to you every week as she says her little Irish blessing and even though it’s record she listens in, and I don’t know if she listen to the podcast every week. I know she listens to the end of it so she can hear herself. She 89 years of age, she’s a little pistol, she’s a ball of energy, she’s full of vim and vigor, she’s still championing me to be better and do better. I want to leave you today with her a little version of the Irish blessing, and in this blessing you’ll hear respect and grace and nonconforming.
Until next time, God Bless.
THERESE BUFFINI May the road rise up to meet you, and may the wind always be at your back. May the rain fall soft upon your fields and the sun shine warm upon your face. Until we meet again, may God hold you in the hollow of his hand. See you next time.